Because our brains are organs designed to recognize patterns, predict danger and keep us safe and functional, they seek certainty. We would like to be a able to predict problems so we can avoid them, or if that is not possible, solve them or reduce their impact. Our success in this effort is relying on our capacity to be certain about what is going to happen. This urge to be sure underlies much of how we organize our lives and how we perceive reality.
When we believe we have found some aspect of reality about which we can be certain, we are less anxious, we feel grounded instead of floating in uncertainty. Uncertainty is draining and anxiety provoking.
Because of this anxiety, we are relieved when we think we can know something for sure. WE have scientific studies that show one thing, and then studies that show the opposite. We develop strong opinions about what we read and we resist evidence to the contrary.
It is difficult to live with the reality that there is not much we can know for sure. We have evidence that things point in one direction, but proof as we see it, does not exist regarding human nature. Our minds and bodies are multi-determined, changeable, and vulnerable to influence. Our lives are a game of continual improv–changing our behaviors, beliefs, and emotions to respond to the changing understanding we have of the reality in front of us.
We can learn from other people’s experience and knowledge, but no one has the secret answer to long life, happiness and good relationships. Things change; we change. Our effort to be thoughtful about what we see and what we know, our careful reflection on what matters to us, and our compassionate response to the people around us can help us live in a way that is synchronized with our ideals, and, overall, lead to the good life we want. We just have to accept that there are no guarantees.