And Then There Is Awe

We’ve settled in. We are here for the duration. How long will that be? Two months? Six months? Eighteen months? We don’t know. We notice we have lots of things that are useless and we don’t need, and we don’t have some things we do need. We realize how profoundly important our attachments are to the meaningful people in our lives. Sometimes those people are different from the people we would have thought we needed. We feel a deep sense of connection and gratitude.

We are experiencing the fundamental lack of control we have over nature, over other people, and over our own circumstances. And we understand that even without complete control, it will matter what we do. We see that it is about probabilities and not certainties. We watch our own internal careening from denial to hope to despair and back again. We alternate between self compassion and impatience with our own weakness. We feel, starkly, our vulnerability and our interdependence with other people and with the world.

And after all, there is the uncertainty. We just don’t know. And not knowing, we are scared and we are frustrated and we are disorganized. And we wake up in the morning and we see there is another day and we face that day. And still the trees are budding, the flowers are beginning to come up, and we share encouragement, resources, and information with the people we care for and who care for us. And we create routines for our unstructured lives, we remember the people we want to encourage, and we do what we are able to do. And at night, we get into bed, and we tell ourselves: we are enough. We are doing our best. And the most fundamental rule is that you cannot do better than your best.

About norasblog

I am a psychotherapist with a private practice in downtown Chicago.
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